Thursday, September 30, 2010

Chewed, slathered upon, and spat. Out.

This has been one of those days, and I've searched for the right words to express why this lump is in my throat and why my eyes have filled with tears constantly through this day. My daughter will be leaving me soon for college, my dad left me 17 years ago in October and I miss him every day, my mom will be 80 soon, my work is becoming more real to me, but according to Chuck Close, because I look for inspiration I am still an amateur..... but here is the clincher, the thing that turned this day totally in to a shit pile: I had a meet and greet at the Artscenter where I teach for a Raku workshop I will be offering, and my shelf, the shelf that I have had for almost six years, had been cleaned off, all my stuff boxed up and put in the storage room. There is a reason, and it isn't personal, I don't think, but it was a hurtful feeling since all the other assistants and teachers still have their shelves and it has been the final straw to put me in a pity party. Tomorrow will be a great day with the bloggers at our show, and the lights will switch back to bright, but this has sure been a dimly lit day. I found this poem on the blog 37 days, great blog, thought it fit for a lot of us, enjoy.......

Because you are a lover and an artist,
you will have occasion (many, actually)
to open your chest... pull out a ruby...
offer it to The World (or someone in The World)...
and it will be received with as much enthusiasm
as a piece of gum. Chewed, slathered upon, and spat.
This happens to ruby-hearted people who are responsible
for bringing through every shade of r.e.d. in the spectrum
from the gentlest pink to the baddest-assed bordeaux.
This is no small role to play -- carrying around rubies
in your heart -- and offering the spectrum of r.e.d.,
the tastes of strawberries and mesquite, the squealing sounds
of pain and delight, the heat of hugs and blazes.
We, heart-bearers of r.e.d. rubies love and create
like no one's business because, for us, it ain't business.
It's beingness.
And on those days when your beingness feels
chewed, slathered upon, and spat.
KNOW-know-know that nothing is wasted.
Everything is useful for the deepening of your pigment
the deliciousizing of your flavor, the longevity of your flames.
It's all good. Eventually. Assuredly. Good. All of it.

Erika Harris


Hollis Engley said...

Big hug for you, Tracey. The rain's going away and the sun's coming out. Screw Chuck Close. See you tomorrow.

Bert said...

Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. You and all the other bloggers have a great show tomorrow. Looking foward to all the posts about the event.

Laura Mayer said...

Hang in there are not alone..

cookingwithgas said...

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and hold your head high-
I like what Bert said- and keep you wits about you.
See you tonight!

Judy Shreve said...

I hate days like that! We all have them- I'm sure the rain and Gerry being sick added to your stress. And know that your relationship with Wes will shift & DEEPEN when she leaves for college --

And when I read that Chuck Close quote - I wondered why it was posted -- it's not true -- just one guy's opinion. We all look for inspiration & artists see inspiration in everything.

Have fun tonight -- sure wish I was there.

Linda Starr said...

Sometimes people just don't think I guess, hopefully things aren't done or not done purposefully, but it does make one wonder. I find inspiration everyhwere, see you tonight.

Tracey Broome said...

Thanks you guys!! Feeling much better today, little butterflies floating around, can't wait for the show tonight!!!!! I love that thought about the Arc and the Titanic, good point!

Michèle Hastings said...

yeah... yesterday totally sucked. today has GOT to be better. i am hoping to get out to the show this evening if i can get away from the wood kiln.

Amber said...

Hey Tracey- it's Amber from the previous Raku class. I haven't looked at your blog in a while, but I'm really glad that I did today. I just wanted to tell you that of all the teachers I've had in my life over the last year (and I've been in grad school all year) your lessons have been the most memorable. You teach with care and passion, and I thank you for inspiring me.

Cindy Shake said...

HUH?! So why was your shelf cleared off?? Did it get cleaned or did the shelf have to get moved?? What the..?! Ditto to what Bert and Hollis said :o) Looks like according to Chucky I'm destined to be an amateur! Sure wish I could be at the Show in person tonight-I'd so love to see you!! Sadly, not only was I unable to fly down but I'm home with the FLU :(

FuturePrimitive said...

who the hell is Chuck Close (i could think of a few choice words for him...arrgggh comments like that make me angry - dick).
remember how you made me feel when i received my little barn? well..right back at ya Trace.
you're wonderful x

Tracey Broome said...

AMBER!!!!! Now you did it, tears again!! I miss seeing your bright shiny face! Hope you are doing really great, I loved having you for a student! Michele, if you make it, come and introduce yourself. Hey Cindy, I think we are all amateurs apparently haha! That's ok, good company. The shelf thing, I'm pretty sure is nothing personal, just annoying. We have a coordinator that has good intentions and is doing a great job with a not so great, very tiny studio. Still, I got a bit pissy about it yesterday!

Tracey Broome said...

Hey Tig: Thanks a bunch!!! There is a Chuck Close quote on Sawdust and Dirt that I can't quite get my head around. CC's work is very interesting, I saw a piece at the Met in NY, so he would be considered a professional I think! He is a paralyzed American photorealist painter that does pretty incredible work.


I'm as confused as everyone else, I guess...who gets to decide the rules for when we all quit being "amateurs" and start being "professionals" in clay? I felt like I had to get a degree in art to feel like a "professional" and it didn't get me any more respect from people like Chuck Close (who evidently has some ISSUES) than I'd had before. I know I consider you to be a professional artist, and it has nothing to do with how many pieces of art you sell, whether you are still searching for inspiration or not (what kind of pap does he make if he no longer looks for inspiration?!?), or if there are initials behind your name. Chin up, big hug, tomorrow will be better! XOXO

S_crack said...

I am dismayed, shocked, and kind of frightened by the sometimes brusque comments being made about kindred spirit Chuck Close.

Tracey Broome said...

I know what you mean, and I agree. I saw a Chuck Close piece at the Met and found it astounding and yes, he is truly a pro. I didn't mean my comment to be negative towards him, just the quote that stated amateurs look for inspiration, I just think that is a false assumption. You can read many professional artist statements that talk about what inspired them. And again, I may just be misreading the statement, I have been known to do that! No disrespect intended towards Chuck Close at all on my part!! But I am getting weary of trying to figure out when you get to be "accepted" in the art world. Seems everyone's perceptions of art are so varied and it's all so subjective. Some days it just pays to keep your head down and just work!

FuturePrimitive said...

oops! maybe i overstepped the mark a bit there Trace! lol! I do that must be the eccentric 'artist' in me.
but seriously..the guy is still just a person like the rest of us..we all have our own thoughts and rightly so. perhaps we shouldn't put so many others on pedestals.

S_crack said...

I didn't mean you, Tracey.
If anything, your frustration came through, not callousness.