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Monday, August 22, 2011

Off to a slow start

I thought I would get right to work this morning, but I woke up from some really weird dreams involving empty rooms and walking on moss and dragging a buffalo up a grassy hill. I know where the empty space dreams are coming from but what is up with the buffalo!? This all had me in a strange mood as I tried to wake up and shake these dreams.
My morning was pretty rough, I went by the library, cried because I have been taking Wesley to the library since she was born, she loves the library. Then I went to get some groceries, cried again, Wes loves it when I walk in the house with groceries. She starts going through the bags before I can get them in the house. No one EVER prepared me for how bad this was going to be. I can't even explain how I feel without her here. It's like I am lost and wandering around trying to figure out where I am. In the blink of an eye, my life has completely changed, and I didn't want it to change, I liked my life just fine. Yay for Wes that she is spreading her wings, finding her way, growing up, blah, blah, but damn it, her dad and I are in PAIN here! I want this for her, truly I do, but why can't it be a little less painful!!!!
Anyway, I finally drug my pathetic self off of the sofa, where I was curled in a fetal position, and I might have been chewing all of my nails off, and I went out to my studio and "just got to work" to quote that infamous Chuck Close. And well, what do you know, I felt BETTER. Wait, what's that? I had some new ideas, and yep, I'm getting excited to make some new things. Oh yeah, this is better, thank you studio! I found these little glass jars over the weekend that I plan to use with the moose hair from Cindy Shake and maybe some sand. Perhaps little niches in my barns or alter tiles, lots of possibilities....
I also picked up this angel mold that gave me all sorts of ideas today, these molds are always fun to play with. I once went to a studio in Asheboro that had a garage completely full of these molds and I think I looked at every one of them, then bought three.
I'm thinking about making Wesley a small alter for her dorm room with this angel. Maybe one that can sit on her desk....

some new color tests
and Linda Starr will be happy to know that I managed to salvage the blue barn after all. I put some black oxide on it and toned down the flourescent blue quite a bit.
Then Gerry and I had pizza and a bottle of cheap red Australian shiraz from Trader Joes. If I stay busy and buzzed on red wine, I just might survive this college thing :) for all of you with small children, call me in a few years, I'll talk you through it!

14 comments:

Anna said...

"If I stay busy and buzzed on red wine, I just might survive this college thing."

LOL! I am sure that alot of the kids IN college are saying the same thing!

Just like me making seems to pull me out of the low places. Keep making those fantastically textured barns and you will heal up just fine. :)

ang walford said...

yey for trader joes!! we had alovely time at the Q GALLERY WITH IT BEING IN A WINERY WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR THEY MAKE A GREAT RED AND THE SAV BLANC MMMM.... oops shouting sorry :)) hope youre getting ya groove back trace and finding your space again..chat soon sweet

Dennis Allen said...

OK, I wasn't going to say anything but the word verification is comeneu. Maybe that's an omen for you.

Linda Starr said...

that barn looks great, and the oxide does make it look more rustic. sometimes I go in my studio, sit down and just stare out the window, wish we had a Trader Joes here in Florida, none to be found. An altar for Wesley sound wonderful, did you pour slip to make the angel?

Amy said...

you're amazing Tracey! loved the photos in a previous blog of you and your girl. Yeah studio! glad that being there helps. change takes time. please be gentle to yourself. thanks for your wisdom... as I posted on my blog, where is your kiln? I'm trying to do this economically. would like to meet you and visit your studio sometime after I move...

DirtKicker Pottery said...

Hey Tracy, Tough times I know. Most important thing right now is that Wes does her thing and feels good about it. She needs to know that you are OK. "Believe" everything is all good and never let her see (or read) a tear.
((Hugs))
Cindy
BTW.. That pizza looks so yumm.

cookingwithgas said...

Be strong- it really is going to be okay-really.

Tracey Broome said...

Hi everyone, thanks for the support! Amy, if you search Olympic kiln in my blog you might find photos of where it's located. It's under a shed off of our deck and my studio is right across. it's a gas/raku kiln.

Michèle Hastings said...

it's a tough time and it will get better as winter break approaches. my daughter made it even harder for me by really hating living in the dorm... she called me at work crying nearly everyday. it was heart wrenching but we all survived.

Tracey Broome said...

Oh Michele, that's what we were afraid of too, Wes never even went to summer camp, she is such a home body. But, her room mate was a friend here in Chapel Hill and they were in local bands together, so they have some common ground. I would much rather have her away from home and happy than away and sad!

Hollis Engley said...

Our son was so enthusiastic to get the hell out of our house and off to college ... I won't say I didn't miss him, but it was fun seeing him so excited to be on his own. And to do it well, I might add. (His mother will have to tell her own story ... she still misses him, 14 years after he graduated from college.) I have no doubt that pain will ease off a bit as time goes by, Trace. And it will be so much fun for you two to see what she does with this part of her life.

Tracey Broome said...

Hollis: I keep remembering that I was very much like your son, I'm trying to give Wes the space to grow, and she is excited as well. But in reality I want to go get her and make her stay here with me :)

cindy shake said...

Thank god you finally had some wine!! Good idea about the bottles and moose hair -the hair is supposed to have magical powers... about your Buffalo dreams -did you eat any beef jerky before you went to bed?!

Hang tough mama, better daze are ahead :o) xox

Tracey Broome said...

No beef jerky Cindy, but lots of wine! Hmmm, magical moose hair, I like it!