I have Wesley home and I feel like I am scratching and clawing to keep from falling down into that abyss where I go sometimes. So I stayed up after everyone went to bed, to write this, get it out of my system, so that tomorrow I can be happy and go sell some pottery without running off customers with my gloom and I can be a good mom, so that my daughter will remember Thanksgiving and not have some fucked up coping mechanism to have to deal with when she is my age! I just want to go to bed, pull the quilts over my head and get up on New Years day. I love New Year's day, but man, you can have Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's just tooooo much!
This is quite a forlorn post, I know, when everyone is giving thanks and loving their brothers and sisters and families and nearly comatose from the meals they had. But it wasn't that great for me, I was just an unamused observer at another families meal with my own demons pestering me. I'll be fine, I have so much to be thankful for, I have a great family and tomorrow will be fun at the CDCG show. However, I did have butterflies all day on Wednesday setting up. I just don't know how this will go. I know I don't have enough work, but it is the best work I have and I was really proud of it once it was all set up in my booth. I only hope the people that were not there yet to set up on either side of me don't knock my stuff over while they set up. This happened earlier in the day before I was set up. Half the pipe and drape aisle came down. I left my booth set up so if I go in tomorrow and things have been smashed, I'm just getting in my car and coming home! What an emotional week. Do other people go through this, or am I the only one possessed here ?!??!!
peace ya'll, come see me this weekend if you are around!!!!!!