Thursday, June 28, 2012

The "C" word

 I wasn't sure I was going to blog about this, but I might as well. This is where I come to unload mental baggage so I can get on with my day, and this is baggage I want to dump, so I can quit dragging around this morning. Last week I had a small spot removed on my back that, to me, was suspicious, that's why I went to get it checked in the first place. The doc said he thought it looked ok, removed it, sent it off to pathology, done deal. So I thought. Still, I had a feeling all was not well. You just know, when it's your body. I grew up on the beach, sun on my body as much as possible. It had to happen.
The doc called this morning to say that the test came back as basal cell cancer and I would need to have more cut out. Oh boy, I have been whining about this little cut and now more and with stitches. I am a weeny and I don't want stitches! From all I know, thanks to the internet, that can scare the crap out of you most times when you self diagnose, this will be fine. It doesn't spread, requires little treatment, and I should be good to go after the surgery. If you have experience with this, please chime in, unless it's scary, then maybe keep it to yourself :)

So, a minor inconvenience, just one more thing to deal with that I don't really want to deal with, but it will be done with by the end of July, wtf.....
When I got the call this morning I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, it sort of took the wind out of me, then I was a bit nauseous, then I thought about the people that get much worse news and how in the world do you deal with it?! Life is a crazy thing, isn't it? Now I feel like my body is invaded with those hateful cancer cells, cancer cells killed my dad in a most cruel way and I hate them.

All of a sudden, I want to sit by a lake, I want to pour vitamins in my body, I want to go for a walk by the ocean, I want to sleep, I want this fucking planet to be healthier, I want better food, I want better drinking water, I want cleaner air, I want government leaders that have some sense, I want the greedy mother fuckers in this world to find something constructive to do with their time, I want the drug companies to quit killing people, I want Monsanto to quit making GMO foods, I want environmentally clean and safe energy. I want a peaceful life. Is this too much to ask?
This getting older thing sucks, and I am one of the ones doing it well. What about those that have illness all the time? How do they do it? Arggghhh, my brain is going to explode.......

However, let the juicing begin!! This morning: spinach, celery, ginger, cilantro, apple, and 30 drops of black cohosh (the cohosh is now giving me 8 hours of sleep at night and less hot flashes, YES!)
yummy, healthy goodness. Thanks again to Tig for the blog on juicing. Digging it!!!!!

On I go, with a cancer on my back, at least it's not a monkey, haha :)
peace ya'll


cookingwithgas said...

You know how I feel about this and what it has done to mu life.
So get it taken care of and try not to worry, yea right.
I will be thinking about you!

Tracey Broome said...

Thanks, I tend not to worry much about anything, so I think I have that covered! Yeah, cancer sucks, where did this evil thing come from? Oh wait, I think I know.... the f'd up planet we are living on!

Julie Whitmore Pottery said...

Tracey I know alot of people who've had it and had it bad and they are all ok. My husband just went thru this, and on his back too. Its ok now but they are keeping an eye on it.
In fact we just went to the Dr. yesterday to get the blood results.
Sitting there I felt like a guillotine was over my neck.
Came home and celebrated with a ginger ale .........thinking of getting one of those expensive juicers, Vitamix. I don't think there is any pulp with them ; it all gets dissolved. Great for soups too.
Very happy about the news about Health Care today. thats something anyways!

smartcat said...

My heart sank when I read the glad it's not worse. But all those who have worse diseases do not have yours....every person is different.
And yes, don't know your health care situation but today's ruling means that you can never be turned away due to a preexisting condition
Toes crossed that all is well.

Kings Creek Pottery said...

I'm a big advocate for the 'green' approach- lots of juice, no meat, no dairy, green smoothies. High Fruit and High Veggie, Low Fat. It's an inside job! Seems to help a lot of people with various health issues. Just my opinion...

Sending Peaceful, Loving thoughts your way~

imagine said...

I can only guess how you must feel Tracey.
Frozen inside maybe? With a sense of all the wonderful things that life has to offer.
I don't know, but I understand a little.

Here at the shop I am close to a hairdresser who has a special private room to help people going through "chemo" problems.
As a result we have a lot of people in every week who are in different stages of treatment.
The result of that is that I have found it easy to talk directly with them about their problems and fears, and I think that not being able to share your worry is a BIG problem, so talking about it is the best thing that you could do.
I know that the people that I talk to directly about
their "illness/problem/fear" always appreciate that someone will talk with them about it instead of pretending it doesn't happen.

Everyone of us would feel as you do, we would all have the same fears and worries, but we would all be frightened of talking about them.
So you have [as always] done the right thing.

But, don't worry everything is OK.
Think positive [which you are] because 'that' is the answer.
This afternoon I saw a beautiful woman walk past
the window, a few seconds later I thought "hey! That is Julie", the same woman who two years ago came in and purchased a very sensitive sculpture from us titled "ALONE", she said that was how she felt as she was at a bad stage in her treatment and that she was alone and that no one could help.

She wasn't alone and had the support of many people because she talked to everyone about her fears, including us, and it was the best thing she could have done.
Everyone was behind her.

There she is today, a beautiful vibrant woman who caught my eye [she married two weeks ago] and is now totally healthy.
A day she didn't dream of but we all knew would come.

You will definitely be 100% OK, but we all understand and appreciate your fears, if you didn't have them you wouldn't be normal.
Lets face it when the C word is mentioned who can be normal?
It is easier to say nothing than talk about it.

Worry about those sculptures of yours, as there is more chance of them going wrong than anything with you.

Go outside, look up at that sky, look at those trees,
look at your wonderful family.
This is life, and you have been chosen to show us your interpretation of it, and unfortunately for those that copy you this is going to carry on for a long, long time.

Now about all that healthy food and vitamins stuff!
How can that be wrong?

We are all here with you girl.

Terracotta-Lily said...

I've never read such anger! Keep it up Tracey, fight the good fight and for the sake of all that is good never censor yourself.
I wish you the speediest of recoveries and lots of love.

Dennis Allen said...

Tracey. I know you are scared, I would be too but according to the internet and everyone who has chimed in here you will be fine.Best wishes for a quick nip and a stitch or two that clears things up.I think the rest of us can take a hint that early detection and treatment leads to early recovery.I had a colonoscopy today after putting it off for too long. All is well but if there had been a problem, I would not have forgiven myself.The first step people need to take is just picking up the phone.

Anna M. Branner said...

That C word is SCAREY. But my Dad AND my Mom have both had several removed in the last 25 years. My Dad's first was the worst and still all is well. Maybe think of this as a gift, since now you will be all that more watchful. :) I know exactly how you feel, as I went through every one of your scarey thoughts while fighting kidney cancer diagnosis. (End of that story is I now only have 1 but the one that was removed was cancer free, despite being on the verge of rupture! SO I still lost it for good reason.) Anyhow. Hang in there, you will get through it and always remember that you are always better off then someone else.

Hollis Engley said...

Hey, Trace. If you're going to have cancer, basal cell carcinoma is the one to have. Get it taken care of, get on with your life. I had a basal cell taken off my face last winter, complete with the resultant long line of sutures next to my nose. It healed, it's hardly visible now and supposedly will not show in a year. So says the plastic surgeon who did the job. Once it was diagnosed, I wanted it off as soon as possible. It took a month to get the appointment for the surgery, but it got taken care of. I understand your fear, but of all the possible disorders to have, this is the one most easily taken care of.

Michèle Hastings said...

I grew up in a beach and lake going family and we all got way too much sun. My parents have had multiple cancerous things removed over the years and I am happy to say they are still going pretty strong for 84 years old!
It's still scary though. No one wants to hear that "c" word. Sending good healing energy your way.

Lori Buff said...

I am pretty sure I know how you feel, several years back a really good doctor was quite sure I had bone cancer. Thankfully he was wrong and all is well. But it was not a good time at all. I do have several friends that have had the same diagnosis and treatment that you wrote about, they have gotten regular check-ups and are much more careful about being in the sun without protection but they have been fine for many years. I imagine you will be too. So drink your juice, eat your organic food and stay mentally healthy too. You'll be fine.

Anonymous said...

oh, Tracey, I am wishing you wellness and peace and agreeing with all the things you wished for! It seems like you've got a good plan and good care. Thinking of you & yours.

Amy said...

Geez, I'm in good company. Had almost 3 hours of oral surgery this pm. Now with 10 plus stitches in my mouth, I'm working on gaining perspective too... looks like I'll be drinking juice much these next days- it's all I can eat. Take care---

Tracey Broome said...

Thank you EVERYONE for these comments, I really really appreciate it

Patricia Griffin Ceramics said...

You sure got the troops riled up! We need it. Tne "C" word scares everybody. Me too. So... I try to ignore it... A year late for the ol' mammo, more than five years since the dermo, and just not interested at all in having the colonoscopy done. Guess id better get my head outa the sand and take care of myself! I'm glad you had your skin checked!

Susan Wells said...

Well dang. I'm glad you decided among other things to wander around taking pictures of a chartreuse glass of potion. An excellent way to be here now. I love you.

Trish said...

Tracey. I have no personal experience with this, but a friend or two have and all is well there. Waiting and wondering are so stressful...drink the cool juice and regenerate those cells. :)...ahhh, a lake!
Take care. T.

Brenda said...

What unfortunate news, but believe in the power of positive thinking! The C word is such a dirty word and so scary to share. I think that is a first step in getting better! Wishing you all the best! You fight this!

Tracey Broome said...

Thanks to all of you for your very kind and thoughtful comments!!!!!