What not to do

 I took down a post I wrote yesterday because I was home alone having my usual pity party the day before my birthday as usual. What is it about the day before my birthday that just about pushes me over the edge every year? I wrote a snarky post and at least had the good sense to take it down before I regretted it. What not to do? Write a post when you are crying! Thankfully, I talked to my very wise daughter and she straightened my head out. I should have just joined Peter here in the weeds with the pipe, haha! My pal Laura gave me this awesome sketch book today. She made it from an old record album and some beautiful handmade papers.

 I was feeling all sorry for myself because Wes was telling me that she couldn't come home from school and Gerry was telling me that he would just take me shopping, that he didn't get me anything for my birthday, (They were trying to surprise me with Wes coming home, but I don't like that, don't surprise me like that again!). I was home all alone and could feel that dark place I can slip into so easily coming closer and closer. I cried a bunch and then Wesley called and I told her all this and she quickly reminded me that it's not about the material things and how right and wise she is.
It's about this: The two people that are the most important in my life and getting to be with them.

 And it's about this, having friends that make me laugh and that listen to my whining and tell me to shut the fuck up, that I'm ok.

 It's about having a great meal or a beer with really good people, or a cup of turkish coffee then pouring the grounds into the saucer and reading your fortune. Wesley saw a pig with antenna, Laura saw a bunny and a flaming heart, I just looked at what they saw!

 And it's about having a daughter that is the most special person I have ever met that makes me beautiful cards.  Read this and tell me if you cried like I did:

 I did get some material goods, going on my fourth Timbuk 2 bag here, I love this new one. And I got a keyboard for my ipad, because I cannot type on the thing.

But mostly I had a wonderful day with Gerry and Wesley and my two good friends Bob and Laura. We had an amazing turkish meal at Tallulahs in Chapel Hill. I borrowed this photo from Laura's blog because my camera overexposed most of the ones I took.
I had thought about inviting a bunch of people to get together, but I find that the older I get the harder it is for me to concentrate when there are a lot of people around and it exhausts me trying to talk with everyone. I also find that if I plan things too far in advance I back out of doing them. So I much prefer spur of the moment planning and spending time with just a few folks, and I have a month full of things coming up to do with different friends.
I am very blessed to have such great friends, a very talented and interesting husband that I never cease to be amazed by, and this daughter that is growing into such a beautiful young woman. Why on Earth would I ever need to go to the mall to get something for my birthday when I have all of this?! and why do I continue to have this unreasonable expectation for September 23, when every year turns out so great, we always end up having a good time, but the day before just totally fucks me up. I'll tell you one of my suspicions is that I never had a real birthday party as a kid, my mom always got a neighbor to bake a cake, and lots of other stupid things happened on my birthday that I still don't deal with very well in my subconscious. But my poor family pays the price every year. Sorry, ya'll.... sigh......
But, one last thing, I do have friends that make great art and great pottery, so there are those gifts to be had in case anyone wonders, hint hint...
Thanks Gerry, Wesley, Bob and Laura for a really special birthday number 52, I had a GREAT day!!!
xoxo