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Friday, December 21, 2012

ACOA


The 13 Characteristics of A.C.O.A.
  1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.
  2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
  3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
  4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
  5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.
  6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
  7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.
  8. Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control.
  9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.
  10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.
  11. Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible.
  12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
  13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.


Today's first post was meant to be a happy one and it was meant to be a break from my blog for a few days but thanks to Captain Medic's (whoever the hell you are), comment on that post,  I am sinking into that black hole that comments like his/hers can trigger. I'll be back later when I get my head together. And.... no, you asshole, I do not treat my mother poorly. We just disagree on everything and I sometimes wish I could have had a really gentle childhood..... most days I am able to forgive a lot......... but my parents were a train wreck most of the time.
There..... just wanted to post this since writing about it makes me feel better, no, I'm not looking for you to "feel sorry for me", it's just how I deal with the chaos in my head right now. 
Thanks to the 99.9% of you that don't judge me too harshly when I have a bitch fest or a melt down
Have a groovy weekend :)
xoxox

24 comments:

Dennis Allen said...

Well crap.It's very hard not to let stuff others say bother you but the only power negativity like this has is the power you give it.Repeat that a bunch of times and have a Merry Christmas with Gerry and Wes.

smartcat said...

You go girl!
Thanks for the comment over at my blog.

Tracey Broome said...

You are a wise wise man! Thanks a bunch, Dennis xo

Tracey Broome said...

Hey Suzi, us bloggers have to stick together, xox

Sandy miller said...

Hey Tracey, good post! I remember somebody blasting me a couple years ago on my blog. Yup, went to my dark place for a couple days. Then I thought What The Elf..... well really WTF but it's the season, and thought I put it out there on the blog and it works for me so tough darts. You didn't live through the crap I lived through and this is what I do to make it work for me. We, yes, each and every one of us has a load of crap somewhere and if ya don't, yer lie'n. We all come here for our own journey and I like to call it Earth School and I think I'm getting my Ph'd. Find your favorite mug and have some cocoa! Think about Wes and Gerry and be grateful you broke the cycle. You did better for your daughter...... it's the best we can do and sometimes all we can do. Yup, my girls rock.
Blessing on the light of the solstice :)

Michael Race said...

Or as we say in our house "Merry Fucking Christmas!" All the best to the three of you from everyone here on Cape Cod, come visit us again!

handstories said...

well, i can claim to have done 12 out of the 13 today. oh, Tracey, catching up here. I also had a phone call w/mom this week....and I love coming here & knowing I'm not alone. Love, peace & joy to you & those you love.

Tracey Broome said...

Hey Sandy and Cindy, I was sort of regretting this post, you made it all better, thanks a bunch for your kind words!
And MIKE! Hello!!! So good to hear from you, I will go to bed with a smile now!! we still think about that coffee of yours :)
Thanks ya'll
xoxo

Vicki said...

Tracey, apart from the obvious - your amazingly, wonderfully SOULFUL barns and clever clay art - one of the main reasons I felt I could 'connect' with your blog was because, waaaay back, you wrote about being an ACOA.
Instantly, I felt I could relate.
Both of my parents were alcoholics.
My mother was a pill-popping, institution hopper.

I am an only child and totally brought myself up.
I had no childhood. I was placed in precariously dangerous situations by my mother during her drunken bouts.
I was mercilessly teased by the kids at school for having a mother who came to school often drunk as the proverbial, to pull me out of class and go on long random taxi rides - weird, I know.
To top it all off, I was sexually abused for years by my alcoholic "father" - he really doesn't deserve the title, I always called him by his name for that reason.
I was as broken as one of your dear little found dolls, from a very young age.

It has taken me years and years to accept some of the horrendous things that happened without the bile rising to my throat. I've mellowed. I had to, for my own sake.
They have both passed on, years ago, with no apologies or recognition that they were what they were. Leaving disaster and confusion in their wake, for me to clean up... as usual.
So much hurt. So much left unsaid.

I can so relate to the 13 characteristics you've posted.
I spent most of my life trying to "be normal". Wishing and resenting the fact that I didn't have a "normal" upbringing with "normal", loving, nurturing parents.

My life changed when I gave birth to my son, Lewis, 22 years ago.
He has grown into a fine, talented young man with such good, honest, compassionate qualities that my heart bursts with pride.
This boy, from a train-wreck of a mother!! It can be done. If one is strong and determined that their child will never know the fear, loneliness and indeed, self-loathing that ACOAs have to endure.
My husband was (is) my rock and together, we nurtured and raised a truly good human being.

But an ACOA will always have scars - that no one can see. They are deep and they never fully heal.
We can live with them, and, mostly forget that they are there.
But, every once in a while, something happens or, someone says something that raises the welts and we retreat into a zone where no one seems to be able to reach, until we are ready to come out.

I'm sorry for the long rambling comment. I've never "seen" anyone about being an ACOA, just dealt with it over the years.
And sadly, only other ACOAs can truly understand.

I'm just glad that you are out there, keeping it real with your blog and achieving the beautiful artwork that you do.
You are an inspiration to me, especially when I feel I'm not worthy, in a world of hugely talented potters and artists such as those who comment on your blogs regularly - I bow to your and their talent. Keeps me going through the darker times :)

Enjoy your time-out now. Peace to you and your family this Christmas. Looking forward to seeing more of your beautiful work in 2013 xx

FetishGhost said...

Hey Trace, I haven't checked in in a while, but I needed to say "Thank you" for posting those. Finding good solid reminders that we all are living with the cards that are dealt is comforting. You dance well with what you've been given Trace.
Thanks for another good year of reading and sharing with us :)

Tracey Broome said...

Hi Vicki, I went to bed but couldn't sleep, just laid there with my ghosts, and so I came downstairs, opened up my computer and read your post. I was a bit luckier than you, I did know that my parents loved me, when my dad was sober, he was so great and everyone loved him. It was just the secrecy and the uncertainty and instability that was so hard for me as a child to cope with and yes, it has left a lot of scars. My parents both did stupid things that a child should not have to be a part of, I felt very much alone most of the time.
Thank you for this note, I can relate to much of it and I totally understand. I saw one therapist and realized they had read the same psychology books I read so they weren't much good to me. I just deal with it..... So nice to read your words tonight, thanks! And I packaged up your star today but the lines are so long at the post office right now. Maybe I will try again on Monday! Lots of hugs to you! Merry Christmas xo

Tracey Broome said...

Hey Z, great to hear from you! Thanks, this has been one of those days that I know comes around from time to time and I dread, but somehow this blog thing helps more than anything lease I have tried. So great to have all of you out there to offer your kind words of support. It's a strange and wonderful world isn't it? Glad it didn't all end today, haha!
Have a happy Christmas!! Xo

Vicki said...

Hey Tracey. Please, don't go near the PO until the New Year. Not just for my sake. I know that line, ewww.

I know my little star is in the best place right now, chillin' til the mad rush is over :)

cookingwithgas said...

tb- you know I love you and you know that I too came from a home that came from a home. My father was an alcoholic and we have/had some of the mental scars to prove it.
When I finally went to get some help I was told it takes at least 3 generations to rid the demons form the family tree. My father did better than his parents ( both alcoholics) we did better than our father and now I watch as my girl out shines me as a parent.
Out shine those blasted demons.
I usually wake on my birthday with a case of terrible depression that can last for weeks and sometimes months.
Today I wake with joy.
May you wake with joy.
XXOOXX M

Laura Farrow said...

feel the love I am sending you from Hillsborough and the virtual hugs from your friends around the world! we're on the road with you, all the way. xoxo

Tracey Broome said...

Awwww, you guys made me cry! But in a good way, thanks so much, feeling the hugs this morning, still a dull ache in my head, but I have learned to keep it from spilling out on everyone else!

Susan Wells said...

Yah. Sometimes it's a good idea to remove our head (our mind) and focus on what's left: heart and other fun what nots below that... and plus there's a flower down below holding up the entire building. Love you!

Tracey Broome said...

Love you too Suzy Q!! xo

Michèle Hastings said...

Theres is a big difference between disagreeing and treating each other poorly. Disagreement can be healthy, treating each other poorly is not.
That persons comment fell into the latter.
I hope you are feeling better.

Wishing you and your family a merry Christmas!

Tracey Broome said...

Hey Michele, thanks a bunch, feeling a little better, baking cookies helps:)
Yeah, I don't really treat my mom poorly, just can't agree on anything!
Have a very happy Christmas!

cindy shake said...

Sending you hugs and creative Zen my sister to the South!

Tracey Broome said...

Right ack at ya Cindy! Happy zen happenings to you and your family:)

Tracey Broome said...

right Back!

bptakoma said...

just catching up with my blog reading. screw the negative nancy. I prize your authenticity and candor. The thing about feelings is, they're strong. That can be some weight to bear. Be real, and if you don't have anything nice to say, come talk to me.