Pages

Friday, August 16, 2013

Sorting out who I really am.....


 I seem to be drifting further and further from clay these days. My time has been filled lately with getting Wesley ready to go back to college. Furniture shopping and trips back and forth to her house.
This week we treated ourselves to new haircuts on one trip. My favorite stylist ever works in Winston Salem where her school is, how convenient! My hair was totally our of control, so I got quite a bit of it chopped off.

My summer has been spent being a mom. Time spent working on furniture projects, some weaving, some travel, shopping, art projects, cooking. I  haven't touched clay since March. I just don't feel that passion and obsession I used to feel. Maybe now that it's cooler and I'll have more alone time, I can get back to my studio. Right now, it is in need of a good cleaning. The spiders moved in and made webs all summer and a carpenter bee has left a nice pile of sawdust on my slab roller. I am filled with weaving inspiration, but zero clay thoughts. I think just getting in my studio and cleaning will be a spark, who knows. I have a lot of negative thoughts about clay these days. Waiting for all of that to subside. As this crazy theatre director once said to me when I brought in yet another chair for his approval,
"I don't love it, but I don't hate it...."!


One thing I know I do love is shopping for props, making them, and designing sets. I remember when I finished up the set for Walt, I stood there alone on the stage and looked around in the dim lights of the theater, let out a big sigh, and realized that was where I loved to be. On the stage surrounded by all the stuff I found for the show. I have never quite felt that for clay. I'm always happy when a kiln firing turns out really great, happy when someone buys a piece of my work and loves it, but it's not the same feeling I get when I am doing theatre work. I feel more genuine with my theater work, more like that is who I am. With clay, it was the learning, the experience, the discovery. That part went away with the marketing and the selling and growing a business,  I find that part very distasteful.

As a designer, I am so confident. I never have any doubts. I have a vision for what something should be, I know when it's right and I am very good at what I do. With clay, there are always doubts, always failures, always questions. I have grown tired of all of that. I love going to a production meeting, planning a show, getting handed a check and delivering the goods. I don't have to spend money to make money. I do the work, I get paid. Simple as that! What a concept.

It's interesting to see this written down in words. I haven't really expressed these thoughts to anyone until just this minute. My house is filled with people with their own thing going on and no one seems that interested in being still long enough to hear me ramble about the world in my head. I realized last night at the dinner table, where we have lots of discussions, that we never discuss anything about me. It's about everything but...... ahhh...... momhood, ugh!


 I do love being this child's mom! Slowly getting things moved in to her new house. Her room is tiny tiny, but so sweet and cozy. It is on the second floor in the back of the house, so it will be the most private. It gets beautiful light and the wall color is the gray color of Maine. I love her little room, hopefully lots of amazing writing will get done in here! The house has such good energy and she is living with amazing kids. All talented, smart and beautiful, inside and out. Love Wesley's new haircut!


These days I am working on two plays and one art installation. I'm working on one show called None of the Above with Hidden Voices. It is about the connection between school and prison. Did you know that in one year in this country, 3800 kindergarten children were suspended from school?!?! WTF is up with our school system!?!?! I worked on part of the art installation yesterday. We are painting and adding collage to school desks and yesterday I started work on the teacher's desk. We got this desk at the UNC Surplus store for $20. What a deal! If you need filing cabinets or chairs, desks, computers, etc. this is a great place to shop. I got Wesley a great turquoise leather desk chair for $10, in perfect condition.


I blocked off the top of the desk in Mondrian fashion and then added collage items to the top. Of course at the end of the day I forgot to take photos. I'll get some next week when I go back to finish.

The set will be a live radio show. If anyone knows where I can get live radio show looking props, I would love to know. Looking for mics, sound board looking things, an "on air" sign, and stuff like that... oh boy! I may have to build this stuff.


Wesley is helping us out with the tech part. We will have "live Twitter" feeds projected on a screen during the show with people responding to issues the actors present, and Wes is creating a powerpoint for us. She is of course brilliant and finished the computer part in half an hour, so she sat out on the porch and read with the porch cat.


I'm doing this work out in Cedar Grove, at my friend Lynden's place. She is the director of Hidden Voices and lives on a little slice of heaven, out on a 500 acre farm. Also forgot to take pics of the little donkeys and goats...


I love going out here, it's really my dream home.... sigh.... one day......

So, I'm just going with the flow. A little weaving, a little clay and lots of theater work that actually pays. It's nice to be able to contribute to to college bills with work I get paid for. Much better than spending money trying to make money. I do not love that! Next year there will be minimal shows for me, no entry fees for gallery exhibits, and much less time wasted sitting in a show tent all day. Been there done that. Time to move on! Still trying to figure out who I am, haha!

14 comments:

Dennis Allen said...

Thanks for the update. After you get Wes settled it might be a good idea to clean up the clay studio, just so there is a welcoming space in case you get a burst of inspiration in the middle of the night.I should do the same mine is a wreck. I can still work in it but I have a hard time getting inspired when everything is crusted with dry clay.

oldgreymare said...

I applaud your introspection. I am astounded at how few people ever do this. I believe it is a sign of a healthy mind and heart. <3

handstories said...

Really enjoyed this reflective post. Nope, no talk about mamas, sigh. Your hair change was much more reasonable than mine this week. You both look great. I should have come here first!

Tracey Broome said...

Hey Dennis, so right! It's always much more inspiring to step into a clean welcoming studio! Sooooon...
suzan, oh good, I'm not nuts like I think I am some days, haha! Yes, much introspection these days, must be my age!

Julie Whitmore Pottery said...

Tracey both haircuts are darling, and I love your earrings~ Its wonderful your daughter finished the twitter set up with time to spare;
My husband and I had to go to the Apple store THREE times, just so I could learn to use an ipod and upload music; its inspirational though, now when I am in my studio its a whole new world; I'm cleaning and of course tossing out seconds like a woman possessed to cello music. Working on stage sets for the theatre is just like another 'medium' of craft, of art.
go go go!
xx
julie

Tracey Broome said...

Hi Cindy, the hair change was looong overdue! So happy to be rid of that hair!
Julie, thanks, we are very happy with new cuts! I try and stay as current as possible with technology, Gerry and Wesley help, but things change soooo fast and I don't stay with it like I should, little to no interest on my part, I'm afraid. Yes to CRAFT of any kind! Ps: my friend Laura gave me the earrings, they are super cute!

Melissa Rohrer said...

It would be really great if someone else could handle the marketing, selling, tax forms, etc. Someone you don't have to pay.

cookingwithgas said...

Tell Wesley that cut looks great on her.
She looks like a grown up...life is running away with us.
And you just look so happy.
Dig it girl, happy is a good look on you.

cindy shake said...

All is well -you will be great at whatever your next path will be! It's good to shake things up, creativity never stands still! xox

Tracey Broome said...

Melissa, that would just e perfect, wouldn't it?!
Hey Meredith, yes happy! But also sad that Wes is going back to school, boo. Yes she is growing up way to soon...
Cindy, yep, I do feel like all is well right now, good feeling!

Dennis Allen said...

Chiming back in late here. The title of this stuck in my head. After sharing with you for a couple of years,I think I can add an observation. I think you already know who you are. That has been pretty consistent. It's what you want to do that's bugging you and that's not the most important part.

Tracey Broome said...

Dennis, you are probably right. The biggest problem is ALL the stuff I want to do, everything looks like fun it's hard to narrow it down!

JUDI TAVILL said...

You just keep creating... clay may find it's way back in in some capacity but as long as you are creating, that is who you are. You are an artist, a creator.. no need for more of a label. If the studio is so clean that clay dust won't get all over everything, you can create other things in there too...You both look great, her place looks adorable... It is all so cool.

Blogger said...

Get daily suggestions and methods for earning $1,000s per day ONLINE totally FREE.
GET FREE ACCESS TODAY