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Saturday, November 16, 2013

Relieves tension

Saturday morning. Wes is tucked in her bed upstairs, still asleep. Gerry had to shoot a game last night, he is also still asleep. Both are sick with a cold. I have been making lots of soup.
The house is quiet, coffee made, leaves are raining down in the yard. I have a script to finish reading, lots of jewelry making materials on my table waiting for me and a whole Saturday with nothing on the calendar. Life is good! I am safe and snug in my own home with my family, sigh.....


 My step father gave me a huge box of tomatoes when I was at the beach. Thursday, I canned 12 jars, froze two quarts and made a big pot of vegetable soup. There is nothing prettier to me than a canned jar filled with beautiful vegetables, waiting for the winter, to be made into soups and stews. I love the process of canning, it's a very meditative and satisfying thing to do. Relieves tension, which I have a lot of this time of year.


I am trying hard to ignore the fact that Christmas is just a few weeks away, but the pain in my neck and arm tell me that the tension and stress are indeed back, thanks, in part, to my mom starting her yearly "I'll send you a check so you can do my shopping because I just can't shop anymore" routine, in spite of the fact that every year I tell her how much this angers me.  Also, never mind that she shows me all the clothes and shoes and household items she bought lately from Belk and Stein Mart and TJ Maxx, etc. She sure doesn't have a problem shopping for new clothes and furniture for herself. They actually told me they are looking for a new house because she does not have enough closet space! If she was in a nursing home or a wheel chair or disabled, I would understand and gladly shop. But she is up at 6am, dressed with her nice clothes and jewelry on, and stays up until midnight. She has more energy than me some days.

This year, I just flat out refused to do it. I gave in last year, sucked it up and went and bought myself Christmas gifts from my mom, then bought Gerry and Wesley's gifts from her also, wrapped them up all nice and put to and from name tags on them. Not doing it anymore. What is the damn point? It made me nauseous and sad. Not to mention the snarky comment I got on my blog from someone that said they feel sorry for my mom. Seriously, don't feel sorry for her. As long as she can buy new shoes, she is very happy. She just didn't get the daughter she wanted.

I believe a gift is something you buy for someone or make for them because you value them as a person and you want to let them know they mean something to you. You give money to charities, homeless people, bill collectors, the IRS, but you don't just hand money to your one daughter every year for Christmas. For me, it just says I really don't care to put in the time to get to know who you are and what you love, just take the money and go away..... maybe I have just been a shitty daughter and I really am a bother to get to know.... I write this every year, don't I? Must get it out somehow. Screaming on the beach works too.

She did give me one of these to use for my shows to put my jewelry on.
I'm not kidding....................

10 comments:

Amy said...

Tracey- Agreed. How wise. Why would you want to do her shopping? If she wants to buy you something, so be it. If she wants to give you $, so be it. No need to shop for her as she can obviously do that herself… So glad you're being you. I used to tell the kids I worked with 'there's only one you in the world; if you're anything but that, everyone is missing out.'
Take care-

Amy said...

Tracey- Agreed. How wise. Why would you want to do her shopping? If she wants to buy you something, so be it. If she wants to give you $, so be it. No need to shop for her as she can obviously do that herself… So glad you're being you. I used to tell the kids I worked with 'there's only one you in the world; if you're anything but that, everyone is missing out.'
Take care-

Sandy miller said...

Ummm.... I would send her a jar of those beautiful tomatoes! Screaming at the beach is the best! Sea Gulls scream back if you're lucky and then you get scream louder because someone is listening! She is never gonna change.

I say grumble through your mom and enjoy what you have around you, sleeping family and wonderland of leaves....... beautiful.

Dennis Allen said...

They always say it's the thought that counts. So the thought must be " I don't have time to worry about this so I'll write a check and be done with it." The best gift any parent can have is a happy child so make yourself happy.

Michèle Hastings said...

I say use the ballerina jewelry display... it will attract attention ;-)

DirtKicker Pottery said...

Maybe if you gave the check to your favorite charity it would make you feel different about it. That way you might look forward to getting that check every year and know that your mom's generosity helped you help someone else.

cookingwithgas said...

there are times that you do not get the right kid or you are many words apart.
Acceptance, forgiveness, are a hard thing to come to with family.

learning to say no is very hard to do with family.
As the 4th of 5 I was the peace maker. Years ago I stepped out of the role. They did not know what to do, they rolled and tumbled and soon figured it out.
Letting go of roles that have been ours for a long time are hard.
It is a hard door to step out of.
But saying no is not the end of the world.
In fact you are giving her a gift by doing so.
Stand strong.
M

Trish said...

Breath In,
Breath Out.
Create your space
with your family
and friends.
Create, cook,
and share with those
for whom you care.
Peace to you.
T.

Debbie said...

I had an aunt, a far-right wing type of lady, who insisted on sending me a check I didn't want. After she sent it the SECOND time, I sent it back again, telling her that if she sent it again, I would consider that she had "won" this round, and I would endorse it over to Hillary's campaign chest. It did not return. Hang in there, girl. You don't pick your family.

Hannah said...

I'd so like someone to be here making soup for me. Being poorly on your own is proper rubbish.
Love to you.
h