Thursday, December 17, 2015

All is well, safely rest.......

Day is done, gone the sun,
From the lake, from the hills, from the sky;
All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.
Fading light, dims the sight,
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright.
From afar, drawing nigh, falls the night.
Thanks and praise, for our days,
'Neath the sun, 'neath the stars, neath the sky;
As we go, this we know, God is nigh....


For some reason the words to this song I used to sing in girl scouts keeps humming around in my mind. I remember being at the PeeDee girl scout camp somewhere in the Sandhills of South Carolina, taking down the flag at the end of the day, while all the little girl scouts sang this song. It was a beautiful moment at the end of each day while at camp.

All is truly well and I did safely rest this week. My girl is snuggled in her bed, in the room next to ours and it is bliss having her here. I picked her up at the airport Tuesday night, we got home around 11pm, fixed her some supper and then tucked her in for a good night's east coast rest.

Gerry had to shoot a game last night so Wes and I went out for a beer and some Indian food. She saw Lagunistas Little Sumpin' in the cooler and suggested it, recognizing it as a beer brewed in Petaluma Ca. near where she lives. I can't even believe I am saying, "where she lives in California". It is still very surreal to me.

So far, we have had some nice meals, trimmed the tree, sat up late into the night talking, watched a couple of documentaries on Netflix and have had lots of tea. Last night, we got to see the first rough draft of the music video she created and co-directed with Lazarus in San Francisco, and I have to say, the girl has inherited her dad's visual skills. It is black and white, full of imagery and is just eye candy to watch. I can't wait until its release. 
Gerry was full of praise for it, and that meant so much to Wes. 

It's raining this morning. 10:30 and my child is asleep in her bed. The house is twinkly and warm, the Christmas lights sparkle in the reflection of the glass and tree ornaments, there are smells of cinnamon and ginger and coffee and it all feels so cozy and safe from the outside world. I just want to lock the doors and never go out again.

I promised Wesley before she got here that I was working on my grownup skills and I would behave, not asking inappropriate questions, not using the words "you should", "what you need to do", or "if I were you", "did you brush your hair", "did you brush your teeth"..... aren't those the triggers that make you chew the inside of your jaw when you are with your mother? I know they are for me, and I am trying to respect my very grown up girl and honor her as a smart independent adult woman. So far, I am doing great, I haven't heard her breath seize up once.... yet :)

Its been a long four month journey for me. I have learned a lot about myself. I have mourned the passing of a little girl, and I have come to understand the importance of letting your child grow and the importance of building a new and different relationship with them as adults. My mother never learned to do this, she still treats me like a child, and I am 55 years old. If she never taught me anything else, she taught me how to let my girl grow up and find a way to enjoy being with her as an adult child.  I'm getting there. It's hard, but worth it!


cookingwithgas said...

Sweet rewards Tracey, sweet rewards.
Love and release.
Enjoy your time.

littlemancat said...

Happy for you!

Vicki said...

What a wonderful post. Full of heart and joy and warmth.
It actually brought tears to my eyes.
I hope these special days go slowly and linger for you, Tracey.

And, I so get you on "being" with our grown babies... not babes anymore. Yes, for me it also is difficult to not suggest or remind or lecture him.
He's an adult now. Very competent, and his own person.
Talking to him on an adult to adult level is taking some adjustment for me. Especially when I forget, and start in on something, and he coolly gives me "that look", oops :)

oldgreymareprimitives said...

I do a lot of counting to ten when the kids are home. My issue is to not trample on the ex and horrible girlfriend stories in ANY way. Even though they agree with me they get defensive so 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, sigh. As you know I adore the "boyfriend" have yet to meet the "new girlfriend" so it's easy that way for me so far...
I have a sign I just put on their bathroom mirror. Please keep your side of the upstairs clean- I had c-sections for you..... maybe humor will help me this visit.

Enjoy and savor each moment- I promise - it does get easier- never great but easier-
merry merry

PotterMiller said...

Whoo Hoo! She made it and she's home and you will have a wonderful Holiday!! Savor, enjoy, embrace……

yeah……. I don't think it's get any easier either and it's been a while for me. I am packing the car tomorrow and taking crazy stuff only a Mom would take. This will be my very first time preparing Christmas dinner in somebody else's kitchen….. nuts, just nuts, but we will all be together and like you I look forward to the smells, the morning coffee, the afternoon tea and just hanging out talking about "stuff" and catching up.

Merry Everything :)

Tracey Broome said...

Hey there moms, only you know what this is really like:)
Oh the pain and suffering from the moment they are born, right?! Haha
It's great to be a whole family again for a moment, hope all of you have a wonderful holiday with your families

Shannon said...

hey! great to see Wes, great to hear you working your way to a new way to converse with the woman you've raised and great to see my painting lit up by your tree!! xo

Tracey Broome said...

Hey Shannon: Realtor made me pull all of my art off the wall but the chicken lady stayed up!
Didn't I get her last year for Christmas? I think so, love it so much!