For some reason the words to this song I used to sing in girl scouts keeps humming around in my mind. I remember being at the PeeDee girl scout camp somewhere in the Sandhills of South Carolina, taking down the flag at the end of the day, while all the little girl scouts sang this song. It was a beautiful moment at the end of each day while at camp.
All is truly well and I did safely rest this week. My girl is snuggled in her bed, in the room next to ours and it is bliss having her here. I picked her up at the airport Tuesday night, we got home around 11pm, fixed her some supper and then tucked her in for a good night's east coast rest.
Gerry had to shoot a game last night so Wes and I went out for a beer and some Indian food. She saw Lagunistas Little Sumpin' in the cooler and suggested it, recognizing it as a beer brewed in Petaluma Ca. near where she lives. I can't even believe I am saying, "where she lives in California". It is still very surreal to me.
So far, we have had some nice meals, trimmed the tree, sat up late into the night talking, watched a couple of documentaries on Netflix and have had lots of tea. Last night, we got to see the first rough draft of the music video she created and co-directed with Lazarus in San Francisco, and I have to say, the girl has inherited her dad's visual skills. It is black and white, full of imagery and is just eye candy to watch. I can't wait until its release.
Gerry was full of praise for it, and that meant so much to Wes.
It's raining this morning. 10:30 and my child is asleep in her bed. The house is twinkly and warm, the Christmas lights sparkle in the reflection of the glass and tree ornaments, there are smells of cinnamon and ginger and coffee and it all feels so cozy and safe from the outside world. I just want to lock the doors and never go out again.
I promised Wesley before she got here that I was working on my grownup skills and I would behave, not asking inappropriate questions, not using the words "you should", "what you need to do", or "if I were you", "did you brush your hair", "did you brush your teeth"..... aren't those the triggers that make you chew the inside of your jaw when you are with your mother? I know they are for me, and I am trying to respect my very grown up girl and honor her as a smart independent adult woman. So far, I am doing great, I haven't heard her breath seize up once.... yet :)
Its been a long four month journey for me. I have learned a lot about myself. I have mourned the passing of a little girl, and I have come to understand the importance of letting your child grow and the importance of building a new and different relationship with them as adults. My mother never learned to do this, she still treats me like a child, and I am 55 years old. If she never taught me anything else, she taught me how to let my girl grow up and find a way to enjoy being with her as an adult child. I'm getting there. It's hard, but worth it!