Wednesday, June 3, 2020

My Very White World

I grew up in very white, segregated Myrtle Beach SC. where the beach shops flew rebel flag beach towels and people still said "colored folks" and the "colored folks" lived in a separate neighborhood. We had a maid named Clara Belle, that came on Fridays so my mom could get her hair fixed, Clara Belle could watch me and iron all of our clothes and clean our house while my mom was gone. I thought she was beautiful and I was always outraged when we went to pick her up at the Piggly Wiggly and she would get in the back seat. I would crawl over the front seat and sit with her. She would sometimes bring her two children and that was my only interaction with children of color. White privilege? Yep.

My friend and former #1 vendor, Erin Hils with Harmony Farm Candles posted this book on her IG today and it reminded me of other books I read in 2019. (BTW, this is a great historical book full of information on the contributions of Africans to our food culture.) It also made me think back to why I bought those books in the first place and I came to realize most books I read in 2019 were all written by or about black people.

My parents taught me to treat every one equally, to not think I was better than anyone else, to be kind and to not be racist. So I did not grow up in a home that promoted racism, even though I grew up in S.C. I did, however, grow up not knowing what it was like to be a black person in the south, in the United States. I will never know. But I try and understand and I try to be empathetic and be better. I am not always better.

I have worked in industries that are very white, mostly privileged white men, I was often the only female in meetings. I worked in the furniture industry for years as a designer, where those privileged men called me the Decorina and tried to take liberties that my mama taught me to not allow. I worked in the outdoor sports industry as a sales rep where the men always got ahead, women did not. I worked for a redneck good old boy company, heard the "N" word used often, I lasted a year,  they laid off their only three management minorities, me, a black man, and an Indian man. Racist white men... again.  Sometimes I really question my choices. I worked in a garden store the past few years where the owners were liberal, open minded and color blind. A refreshing change!

I chose art for awhile, opened my own store, now I want to avoid any job that is in a white man's world. In my store, I met two of the most interesting and badass women I have ever known and they schooled me in being friends with a black woman. It is sad to admit that I have never had a relationship with any women of color, rarely worked with any and never had the opportunity to form any kind of relationship with women of color. My work world was white men and I was just trying to survive that as a woman. Honestly I didn't form relationships with anyone, much less people of color. I traveled all the time, Wesley went to rural country schools that were mostly white (most parents were racist rednecks, not interested) and then a private christian school that was all white (most parents were fanatical christians, again not interested). When I worked in the theater as a designer in Charlotte  then later in Chapel Hill, I worked alongside black actors, but never got to know them on a personal level. We were all just too busy and caught up in the work. Now I wish I had taken more time.

Just writing this emphasizes to me that I am in such a white world.  Thank goodness Wesley's world is not like that. She has always embraced different cultures and most of her friends have been from minority backgrounds. She has probably taught me more than anyone and sometimes she has to check in and remind me that my thoughts are going down the wrong path!  Gerry's world is also not one of whiteness. He works in journalism and has worked with some of the finest people around, people of all colors and talents. I have been fortunate to get to know them through him and I am proud of the work they all do. Looking back, I wish my career path had somehow been different. It seems like I struggled against racism and sexism every step of the way.










Thanks to two lovely women, JulMar and Jaki Shelton Green, I came to respect and appreciate the differences in our color, our culture, and what I had been missing, not engaging with people of different backgrounds. I spent way too many years with sameness in people. These women gave me a sincere and great admiration for color. Brilliant minds that showed me a different path, helped me grow, helped me open my mind, helped me hopefully be a better person.

My former boss last year, Luis, was Latino and continued my "color" education with his own experiences with racism and prejudice in this country. I loved working with him and hopefully I grew a little more. We had so many conversations about his culture compared to mine. I am so thankful I had the opportunity to work with him!


Soooo..... getting back to those books. Last year I read Varina, from the author of Cold Mountain and became interested in Elisabeth Keckley. What a great woman she was.  This was such a powerful book. Then Michelle Obama's book came on the radar screen, and OMG what a book. What a woman. If I were asked which famous person I would want to have lunch with it would without a doubt be Michelle Obama. This book is on the all time favorites list for me. So of course, since I read her book and Gerry met her husband, I read his book!



                                                                           




During the coronavirus and quarantine, I have been trying to continue to read things outside my box.  I have enjoyed art projects, cooking I never get to do, gardening, and all the things that come with comfort of an income and a great husband who works hard. Then, the protests started and I have been angered, outraged, saddened, sickened and feel utterly lost.  My husband is a member of the media, which is now hated and not trusted, thanks to the president.  He leaves the house for an assignment and I fear for him. Wesley questions the validity and future of her job with NASCAR (thankfully her dept is far from being the white racists often associated with the sport), she has been glad to see many of the drivers having conversations and supporting the protests, as well as the company in general. But where does she go from here? Where do all of us go from here? I have been home for 10 weeks now, I see no end in sight.

It is ironic that my time spent in conversation with Jaki and Julmar, Luis, my time spent reading the words of Elisabeth Keckley, Michele and Barack Obama, and even Michael Twitty would lead me here to this time of pandemic, protests over yet another pointless killing and an even greater conversation about race in our country, and the ever present incompetence of a leader that is not a leader at all but a man that represents every single thing that I have been taught and have learned to despise in a privileged white man.  His actions are shameful and hateful and I am enraged every single day from some stupid thing he does. I am also dumbfounded to find a single reason anyone still supports him. I am grateful for so many of the conversations I had in the past few years that have given me greater understanding of what it is like in this country for people of color. 

I cannot begin to feel what the black community is going through. As a woman, I can have some inkling of empathy because of what women also have to put up with in this white man's world.  I do have hope though. There are good people out there, people that want justice and peace and long for a compassionate society to raise their families in. People that do not judge the color of one's skin or the country of origin. I know people like this. For me, I will continue to read, to learn, to ask questions, to listen, to try and grow and just understand the journey of someone that is different from me......

One last thing, if you still support trump, I hope that you will somehow see what a disaster he has been for our country and find your way to vote him out this November. Please, wake the fuck up. 

6 comments:

Lori Watts said...

Thoughtful words, Tracey. Thanks.

Tracey Broome said...

Hi Lori, gotta get all that out of my head, forgot how cathartic a blog is!!

gz said...

Thanks for the post.
It hurts when you work, study, live with all colours then see how terribly they are treated by others. I was fortunate to go to a small art college and we were all a big family (350 including all the staff) and art was the important thing not who or what you were. We all saw how life should be.

Tracey Broome said...

gz, when I was in college (design school) half of my class was gay and in my second year AIDS came to be. It was horrifying and I don't think people remember the hate and protests and anger and terror from those days. This has all reminded me too much of that time and there was no internet!

Michèle Hastings said...

Great post. I grew up in the second largest city in New Hampshire. I can name all of the black kids in my school. They were from three families, two of which were related by a second marriage, the other was interracial. I went to the semi-formal dinner dance with a black guy. We dated for quite a few months. We were both part of the art class group. My parents didn't consider themselves racist but they definitely didn't approve of interracial relationships. I do think as time went by that they evolved in their thinking.
Michelle Obama's book might be next on my reading list.

Tracey Broome said...

Michele, yes read the book, it is so great!! My parents had similar views on interracial dating.... sigh.