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Monday, March 12, 2012

I wandered lonely as a cloud....

 I am very fortunate to live with a child that loves words. She always has. She loves her books and she loves words. Today we were driving into Chapel Hill to look for props for the film she is shooting next week. There was a single cloud in the sky and she quietly said "I wandered lonely as a cloud".... as if this was just a common statement that anyone would make while riding in the car. I love this about Wesley. She expands my mind and keeps me thinking. She is a still water, deep and silent. Sometimes she is unsettling in her quietness. I am not quiet, I am not still. I am constant motion. She is stillness. A nice balance. We also picked up some books at the PTA thrift store. All of these great books for $3.
I am in a Steinbeck mood these days, that one is mine, and I picked up a couple of EB White books. The rest are Wesley's. She reads way beyond my level, almost always has.

 To show you my level of maturity, I like the cover of this book because it reminds me of Skyrim, haha
 Wes is heading back to school today. There will be an empty space in the house again. She fills up so much of the space in this house. I have cooked so many meals this past week, wanting to nourish her with good meals that she doesn't get at school. It's been great having her home and it will be sad to watch her car pull out of the driveway. I think about the time when she no longer lives here, when she is out on her own, making a life for herself, and I don't know how that is possible. How do we as parents cope with having our children leave us? We do it, I have almost survived a year of college now, but it is a growth process, getting to know a different me, deciding if I like this me. I liked the me that was a mom doing class parties and field trips and homework and projects. But I am alone with this me a lot and we are slowly getting to know each other......

My life has slowed down since Wesley went off to school.  I am paying attention to the slowness, the textures, the light, the quietness, the stillness. I think I like it.....
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beneath the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. W. Wordsworth
 

12 comments:

Peter said...

A lovely post Tracey.
The book cover with the ruined tower and the man with the little Collie dog is from a painting by Constable that I sometimes tried to copy when I was in my turbulent teens! It fitted my mood of loss and change. As I write this, I am looking out at an early morning sky that is coloured a thin, pale, and almost perfect blue. Just above tree-top height is one white cloud.

Julie Whitmore Pottery said...

How great it would be if you could take Wesley to the Lake District in England, where Wordsworth lived in Grasmere, visit his house. I bet she would love Dorothy Wordsworth's diary too. If she loves Thomas Hardy, I'm sure she would.
xx
julie

cookingwithgas said...

learning to be still is an art in its self.
I am soaking in some quiet time after many emotional days with family.
Mark is playing tunes beside me giving me gifts of happiness- just be.
Wes is a dream of a child-enjoy.

Tracey Broome said...

Hi guys, I read your comments to Wesley. Peter, I like to imagine that we were looking at the same cloud :)
Julie, England is definitely on my list of places.
Meredith, been thinking about you this weekend, I tried sending some smiles your way!!! Yes, Wesley is a dream child!

Susan Wells said...

Oh Tracey! How I know your words on releasing the child! What a delight it is when they come back to us:)

Tracey Broome said...

Hey Susan, at least mine didn't fly over to India like yours did!!! It is great having them home, but... the dirty dishes!!

smartcat said...

It's hard to let the kids go.....when Proge went to boarding school I was at a loss...pottery saved the day!
My theory is that if you give your kids freedom (within reason) when they are young you have a huge chance of becoming friends when they are adults.

Record breaking temps yesterday...with much sun....cloudy today but still warm.

The stack of books brings back such memories....and so good to contemplate.

Lori Leaumont said...

I read that poem in high school and loved it so much I memorized it. It pops in my head every now and then, especially at spring time. My daughter is already so stoic and serious, and she's only 1. That you and Wesley are so different but so complementary makes me wonder what my Maddy will be like as she grows.

lynny said...

beautiful words and thoughts on being a mum and learning again to be you- my 4 left the nest so quickly, all in 18 months and i could so relate to your feelings. you dont know me, I'm a lurker and avid reader and admirer of your work- (in Australia)

Tracey Broome said...

Hi Lori: a stoic child is an interesting thing to watch. I have never been that way, but I learn from her every day. We do compliment each other nicely, it's good. We agree on many many things, but have such different personalities.
Hi Lynny, thank you for your comment, I can't imagine having FOUR leave so close apart, that is very unfair to a mom!!

Tracey Broome said...

Hi Suzi, you know, Wesley and I have always been friends and I think it is like you said, we gave her the freedom to have her own thoughts and go her own path, and she comes back to us often!

jbf said...

It's amazing how life changes when one of our children leaves. I am getting used to the differences too. The whole family dynamic changes and I find myself being more introspective too.

It helps that I really like the adult Stephanie is becoming. She's smart and sensitive and has a quick wit that keeps me on my toes. I miss her dearly, am proud of who she has become.

It's tough, but hang in there.

BTW, great post and I LOVED the Skyrim comment. I laughed.