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Thursday, May 12, 2016

Self loathing....



Mother's Day started my week off on a really bad path of wallowing in self pity, and the week has been a tough one. Six hours in the car on Mother's Day, a nursing home visit, packed that night and left first thing on Monday. Two store remodels and three others to just add some finishing touches. Monday I left the house at 8am and worked in New Bern until 1am the next day. Got a few hours sleep and back at the store bright and early to finish up, then drove to Jacksonville, then Goldsboro, then Wilson. This is not sustainable..... 

But I arrived home last night to a very sweet Mothers Day card from Wesley. Its the littlest things that mean the most sometimes..... I was mean to her on Mothers Day, feeling all sorry for myself, then had a big wallow of self loathing when I got this card. I just don't do commercial holidays very well. And those around me suffer..... sometimes I'm just not that great a mom.... sigh.

12 comments:

cookingwithgas said...

It's all good, really, life is just a box of.....
Dang girl we all have those no one loves us moments.
Your girl loves you to the moon.
And back.

Tracey Broome said...

I know, just seems like she is on the moon, haha!

handstories said...

Glad to know I'm in good company. I've been working on my my entry for the "Worst Mom Ever" award. It's exhausting, but this week I seem to be very good at it…at least my children think so.

Tracey Broome said...

Oh no, I have you beat hands down. And it doesn't stop just because your child lives on the other side of the country:)

Michèle Hastings said...

and I used to think parenting got easier when they were adults... ha ha ha, the joke was on me!

oldgreymareprimitives said...

we all mess up- when I do, I know it's time to fess up- admit I'm a bonehead, explain why and say i'm sorry. My folks never said they were sorry or admitted a mistake. I was determined to make my relationship with my kids different. I think they respect me more because I admit my failings, and we are always quick to forgive each other.

You went from a quiet life to a busier life to insanity in under 2 years. Of course you're off kilter a bit. Forgive yourself and make sure you are being clear headed about that intensity of work. DO not be taken advantage of in order to impress them with what you can handle.I have made that mistake over and over and my poor body and soul paid a bitter price.
Balance is hard fought and won.

Our girls are so similar I have a drawing DD did for me about me missing her and her missing her mama. <3

Tracey Broome said...

Oh Michele, that is truly a big joke! If anything its harder!
Z, I agree, I always always apologize, my mom never did, she was always right. I have said sorry many times this week!
The job is nuts, but I got huge kudos today, I am so easily won over by positive praise, haha!

Dennis Allen said...

Sometimes life's a bitch, sometimes we are. Just be sure to give others a turn.

PotterMiller said...

I think I'm at the point with my kids that I expect nothing, absolutely nothing. I used to expect a lot, like a phone call and it never came and I sulked around for a week, pissed off and wondering what the hell the problem was. Then I had one of those ah-ha moments when I catapulted myself back to being 22-30, foot loose, fancy free and running the world. I was appalled my Mom and Dad "expected" me to call or show up with flowers! I ran harder, the other way. I was sort of doing it to my kids, in a nicer way with no fighting and tantrum throwing but that sucked too. I honored the journey they were on and felt good I was such a big part of that journey. My oldest is 30 now and the youngest 24, neither has kids or significant others but they run hard. They are plugging in more these days, not sure why but when they call or FaceTime, whatever I'm doing I stop, make tea, sit down and visit. This has been a HUGE. Learning curve for me! πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ’πŸŒ·

Vicki said...

I hear you Tracey.

After months away from Blogland, all I have to give in my post is is wallow, doubt and loathing.

Sigh.
You're not alone.

xx

candacethomasdesigns@gmail.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
candacethomasdesigns@gmail.com said...

Hi Tracey, When I met your daughter the one thing that stood out was that she liked you. Love is a given, but she genuinely liked you. She respected you, and trusted you. She is the daughter you raised her to be. She is kind, strong, confident, adventurous,smart and wise. There is song that asks the question, now that you got what you asked for, what are you going to do with it.
I miss you and wish you and Gerry the best.
Much love 
Candace