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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Crazy ass bitch

Wesley and I were at Surplus Sids army surplus store last week shopping for her film. She has written a screenplay about three soldiers and needed military props. For some odd reason, Sid had this little girl laying on a table with some action figures. I know not why, you would have to know this store. It is my go to shop for props, if he doesn't have what you need, he picks up the phone and finds it.
Anyway, she screamed at me to take her home, so for 50 cents, she was mine. I can so relate to this little one. I love her crazy hair and her dirty dress and that little sassy smile on her face with the little raised eyebrows. It's like she knows what I'm thinking and she approves. She probably won't make it into one of my pieces, she may just keep me company in the studio, someone I can talk to, haha! She looks like I feel some days. I used to be manicured, made up, dressed up and clean. I went through my closet last night and realized all I have now are flannel shirts and hoodies. I forget to brush my hair, my nails always have clay under them, my shoes are always dirty, as are my jeans. What in the hell happened to me!?  The thing is, I like it. Gerry would probably prefer it if I could tidy up a bit, but he seems to be dealing with it, thanks Ger.
The dressed up me had no idea who she was and it was damn hard work keeping the nails polished, shopping at the mall, getting my hair cut, and so much money! The dirty me knows who she is most of the time, hardly ever goes to the mall, hair cut?! what's that?!  I like who I am much more now, although I feel like I might be slightly crazy some days. My mind seems like it is zooming at 100 miles an hour, it never rests. I think I slept for maybe an hour last night. I always feel like the odd one in the room. When I am around people that don't do art, I find it difficult to pay attention to what they are saying and I don't even want to try to explain how I spend my days. I find comfort being around others that create art. They are easy to be with, they have paint on them, or clay and their minds are racing right along with mine. They get what I see in this doll. But even with them, I always feel like I don't quite fit. Apparently this is a symptom of ACOA. For example, when I was at the beach with my friends the other week, there were moments when I felt like a complete misfit. This is completely irrational, because these are all loving and accepting women and they are good friends. But I felt like the round peg in the square hole. I hate this feeling but it's always there. Maybe that's why this doll called out to me. She is the one that doesn't quite fit and she was in an army surlpus store, haha!
Alas, I fear that this has all influenced Wesley. Her hair looks about like this doll too. She wore the same pair of jeans the entire time she was home for spring break, I could not make her go shopping for new clothes, although she did buy a gray army t shirt at the surplus store and got a great pair of black army boots for $15 at the flea market. All she wants are new pens and notebooks. Oh well, my daughter is a crazy ass bitch, just like her mom, and we like it like that, haha!!

7 comments:

cookingwithgas said...

we are raising independent thinking women- crazy is not always a bad thing!

Anna M. Branner said...

When I saw the title to this post I thought UHOH....:)

But I like it and totally get it. That's ME you are talking about!!!

Tracey Broome said...

Meredith, I have definitely raised an independent thinker, and a taurus. Fingers crossed, she shoots her film today.
Anna, too funny! I'm trying to behave, but there is one a brewing, haha! I figured most that read my blog would get this though!

eb said...

oh Tracey
I love this post
I too am of this tribe
so comforting to know
that I am not the only one
blessings
to you,
your unbrushed hair
and
your Taurus daughter
from another
does your new pal have a name?
she might like to wrap a pebble...

sending you
a little wildness,
xox - eb.

Tracey Broome said...

EB, she SHOULD wrap a pebble, yes! maybe I'll name her pebble :)

yolande clark said...

Holy crow. I love this post, and the last one, too. Hurrah for happy memories of debauchery, and crazy ass bitches. I think our daughter Tree is already there at a year and a half. She sure as heck knows who she is. I'm remembering who I am, more and more. Good to know there are kindred spirits out there. Hugs, Yo

Clamworks said...

Mother-daughter bonding time at the Army surplus store...I'm so jealous! I would have LOVED to do that with my mom! And $15 for a great pair of Army boots...again, I'm jealous. I wore Army boots throughout my pregnancy with my son, and even threatened my OBGYN with them (after he asked me how I felt, I told him EXACTLY how I felt and he responded..."well you're pregnant, you know.")