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Sunday, September 23, 2012

What not to do

 I took down a post I wrote yesterday because I was home alone having my usual pity party the day before my birthday as usual. What is it about the day before my birthday that just about pushes me over the edge every year? I wrote a snarky post and at least had the good sense to take it down before I regretted it. What not to do? Write a post when you are crying! Thankfully, I talked to my very wise daughter and she straightened my head out. I should have just joined Peter here in the weeds with the pipe, haha! My pal Laura gave me this awesome sketch book today. She made it from an old record album and some beautiful handmade papers.
 I was feeling all sorry for myself because Wes was telling me that she couldn't come home from school and Gerry was telling me that he would just take me shopping, that he didn't get me anything for my birthday, (They were trying to surprise me with Wes coming home, but I don't like that, don't surprise me like that again!). I was home all alone and could feel that dark place I can slip into so easily coming closer and closer. I cried a bunch and then Wesley called and I told her all this and she quickly reminded me that it's not about the material things and how right and wise she is.
It's about this: The two people that are the most important in my life and getting to be with them.
 And it's about this, having friends that make me laugh and that listen to my whining and tell me to shut the fuck up, that I'm ok.
 It's about having a great meal or a beer with really good people, or a cup of turkish coffee then pouring the grounds into the saucer and reading your fortune. Wesley saw a pig with antenna, Laura saw a bunny and a flaming heart, I just looked at what they saw!
 And it's about having a daughter that is the most special person I have ever met that makes me beautiful cards.  Read this and tell me if you cried like I did:

 I did get some material goods, going on my fourth Timbuk 2 bag here, I love this new one. And I got a keyboard for my ipad, because I cannot type on the thing.
But mostly I had a wonderful day with Gerry and Wesley and my two good friends Bob and Laura. We had an amazing turkish meal at Tallulahs in Chapel Hill. I borrowed this photo from Laura's blog because my camera overexposed most of the ones I took.
I had thought about inviting a bunch of people to get together, but I find that the older I get the harder it is for me to concentrate when there are a lot of people around and it exhausts me trying to talk with everyone. I also find that if I plan things too far in advance I back out of doing them. So I much prefer spur of the moment planning and spending time with just a few folks, and I have a month full of things coming up to do with different friends.
I am very blessed to have such great friends, a very talented and interesting husband that I never cease to be amazed by, and this daughter that is growing into such a beautiful young woman. Why on Earth would I ever need to go to the mall to get something for my birthday when I have all of this?! and why do I continue to have this unreasonable expectation for September 23, when every year turns out so great, we always end up having a good time, but the day before just totally fucks me up. I'll tell you one of my suspicions is that I never had a real birthday party as a kid, my mom always got a neighbor to bake a cake, and lots of other stupid things happened on my birthday that I still don't deal with very well in my subconscious. But my poor family pays the price every year. Sorry, ya'll.... sigh......
But, one last thing, I do have friends that make great art and great pottery, so there are those gifts to be had in case anyone wonders, hint hint...
Thanks Gerry, Wesley, Bob and Laura for a really special birthday number 52, I had a GREAT day!!!
xoxo

12 comments:

Dennis Allen said...

Congratulations.

June Perry said...

Glad the day turned around so well! It was a Happy Birthday after all, so all is good!

Susan Wells said...

Beautiful day for a beautiful lady! Happy Birthday Tracey! So glad you were born to make an extrordinary child and a wonderful life.

cookingwithgas said...

happy birthday TB! XXXOOOOXXXXOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXOOXXOOOXX-next time I see you I will tell you a story about my birthdays- it will take beer!

Amy said...

happy birthday! mine was the 20th. good company that yours is close. i did a spur of the moment thing too- I left town and spent time with 2 good friends. No pictures to prove, yet it was simple, easy, and just wonderful! glad yours turned out great.

gabi said...

First of all, - Happy Birthday....!

I don´t know why we get the birthday-blues, - i sometimes do to.

Don´t think its about the material stuff, more the thought, that no one want to spend the time, picking out that special item, that i would appreciate as a birthday gift. - Plus the fact that, as a child, there was no money for birthday gifts for me. We were poor, so when my classmates showed of their new bikes and stuff, i had nothing to show. That was hard.

But i love the way your day turned out. And its ok to have "the blues" as long as there´s a happy ending :-)

Vicki said...

You're not alone in pre-birthday blues/depression. It's a weird shift in tempo. Yet, when the day is over, poof! All's OK again. We're strange, complicated creatures us humans :)

I do believe that when we get older, it's the simple things in life that are most important. Perhaps it's a reminder to not take things for granted. That's how it feels for me.
Your birthday was perfect and turned out beautifully. Thanks for sharing your day in photos.

You are an inspiration and source of light to others - Wesley is wise beyond her years. Remember, you had a big hand in that.

We're allowed to be down and introspective. It's natural. Allow it to happen. Acknowledge and then move on. Besides, you've clay awaitin'!

Happy belated birthday :)

Tracey Broome said...

you are all very kind and very wise yourselves! Thanks for the birthday wishes and very wonderful thoughts!!! very much appreciaated this morning!

Lori Buff said...

Happy, happy, happy birthday.

Lots of hugs.

k.houser said...

Happy late B- day...mine was the 22nd and it sorta was very non eventful...mid 40's birthdays tend to suck I think...I feel ya...thank god for the bush doctor!...love the Tosh sketchbook...

Tracey Broome said...

Lori, thanks!!!!!!
K. I love that, the bush doctor, haha! he came in handy when my back incision was hurting, I'll tell ya that!

yolande clark said...

Happy Birthday Tracey!!! You are too funny, and too talented and too beautiful, and I really feel like we have so much in common! The first birthday of mine that made me lose my mind was my 5th birthday, when my lovely and well-meaning mother created a Teddy-Bear themed party, (which, as I type, sounds automatically really awful and cloying and grotesque, but I promise, it really wasn't--for the right kid, it would have been magical) during which I completely lost my mind, and I think I ended up smacking another little girl and I got sent to my room--and my birthdays have pretty much followed that pattern ever since. Wait--have I already told you this story? Gosh, I'm really in new-baby brain at the moment. Anyway. Belated best wishes. xo yo